


Yearning for the Peace

by amethyst-noir (Arbonne)



Series: Prompt Collection [37]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bittersweet Ending, Death Wish, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt Stephen Strange, IronStrange Bingo 2019, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 22:57:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arbonne/pseuds/amethyst-noir
Summary: Stephen was as quiet and stoic while suffering in his sleep as he was when he was awake.





	Yearning for the Peace

**Author's Note:**

> I have the square "Angst" on my IronStrange Bingo 2019 card and this prompt in my inbox:  
>  _(Hi, Corner Anon back to deliver the angst) Tony trying to awaken Stephen from a nightmare, (about Dormammu, Thanos, the 14,000,605 futures, Hell, all of the above) Suddenly Stephen jolts awake, disoriented and petrified. When Tony attempts to console his partner, Stephen (clearly delirious and 100% out of it) begins to beg Tony to kill him to put him out of his misery and pain, (oh, Stephen darling I am so sorry. You too Tony. I’ll go repent in my corner)_
> 
> Well, I can't be blamed for the outcome! Look at the warnings, trust me to always deliver at least a bittersweet ending and enjoy!
> 
> Title grabbed from the _Hero_ soundtrack by Tan Dun.

_Tony was looking at him bitter with determination. "I'm sorry, Stephen." He brushed a light kiss against Stephen's forehead and took a second to gently cup his cheek. "It's the only way." He deliberately didn't look at the blood or Stephen's arms and hands. His unmoving, finally completely useless hands._

_Then he turned around to face Dormammu. "I've come to bargain!" he called, loud and clear. "Send him back where he belongs and I'll stay with you."_

_And Stephen, unable to even move a little bit thanks to his broken back, could only watch in mute horror as the light flashed before his eyes and the time loop began all over again and Thanos stood over Tony's broken body, still bleeding out, as he stared with unseeing eyes at nothing._

_"I'm sorry," Stephen whispered and didn't resist when the Titan came to him, grabbed him by the throat and wrenched him up in the air._

_He awoke in the wreckage of his car, his hands on fire, and looked over at the passenger's seat. Tony, so young and beautiful, looked back at him with dead, empty eyes._

*

As usual Stephen's nightmares didn't manifest themselves with wild tossing around or screaming. That would have been too easy and Tony would be able to wake up and help him through it so much sooner. No, Stephen was as quiet and stoic while suffering in his sleep as he was when he was awake. He made himself small, as if to shield his body from blows, but apart from that and a few quiet whimpers there wasn't much to see or hear. Sometimes he cried in his sleep but that, too, was always almost completely silent.

Tony had learned to hate the glassy, vacant look in Stephen's beautiful eyes after he'd been rescued from one of his recurring nightmares. Stephen's face looked so empty, almost lifeless, on those occasions that it frightened Tony each and every time.

This time it was as soft "not him, please. Let him be, take me instead" that woke him in addition to the sudden emptiness beside him. Stephen, in his distress, had moved over to the far side of their monstrous bed. It took Tony a moment to sort of wake up and assess the situation but as soon as he did he let out a groan and forced his wary body to roll over.

"Baby?" he asked, still half asleep. A soft whimper was the only answer he got and he was truly awake from one second to the next. "Stephen?" He dared to reach out and touch Stephen's shoulder. The resulting flinch didn't surprise him but it broke his heart all over again. "Shh, it's okay, you're just dreaming."

It took him a long moment to convince his exhausted body to sit up. He needed the upper hand and couldn't do this lying down - another thing he'd discovered the hard way over the last few months. As always it was disturbingly easy to get Stephen's head into his lap - Stephen tended to go limp as a ragdoll in his sleep and could be manhandled with frightening ease. It was fun when they had sex, and Stephen was a willing contributor in being positioned just as Tony wanted him, but it was scary as hell when he couldn't offer any sort of resistance in his sleep.

"Stephen?" He kept his voice soft and forced the threatening panic away when there was no reaction apart from a weak "No, please, don't."

He hated it when Stephen begged to not be hurt anymore and he would have given everything to take at least a little bit of the burden his lover was carrying with him.

"You can have me, let him live. Please. I'll take his place."

There was no need to ask who 'he' was. Tony swallowed his own tears down. "Shhh, baby, it's just a dream. We're all okay." Well, maybe not 'okay' but at least physically unhurt. He looked up at the Cloak which had also woken up and floated over to the bed. It's urgent gestures clearly asked how it could be of help. "Be ready to hold him if it gets necessary."

The Cloak nodded its assent. It had only been forced to restrain Stephen once so far but that had been one time to many for all their tastes.

"No, no, just don't hurt him... I'll take his place..." The words became indistinguishable and Tony tightened his hold in response.

"Stephen, baby? Come one, please wake up. It's just a dream. You're safe. _I'm_ safe."

Instinctively Stephen cuddled closer to Tony's warmth but otherwise he didn't react to his begging. But a full body tremor took hold of him. Tony looked at the Cloak in a silent plea and it swooped in and wrapped itself around Stephen as far as possible. "Don't," he whispered once again. "Please, let me go."

"Never," Tony promised and shook Stephen gently to finally wake him up. "And if you try to slip away into another dimension I swear I will find a way to follow you and bring you back home."

"I just want it to end."

Stephen shifted to his side and curled himself around Tony's thigh before the turned his head up at an angle guaranteed to hurt him. His eyes were open but empty of recognition as he looked up at Tony.

"Stephen?" Tony tried to shift him to relieve the strain on his neck but Stephen resisted. Tony gave up; too afraid to hurt him. "Wake up, you're starting to scare me." He started to caress Stephen's arm to bring him back through touch.

Instead of responding Stephen just stared at him with tears in his eyes. "I'll never give in, just kill me and get it over with." He was probably awake but still showed no signs of recognizing his surroundings. Instead he continued to stare at Tony as if waiting for an answer. "Please," he added after a moment.

Tony was too stunned and horrified to react in any way except for the automatic stroking of Stephen's arm. The little bit of the Cloak that wasn't covering Stephen wrapped itself around Tony as if to offer support.

"Stephen," he began but broke off, unsure and unable to think of any response. No matter what they both had been through - neither of them had ever begged for death in their nightmares. He finally went for the useless platitudes. "Nobody's going to kill you; they have to get through me first. You're safe. I'm safe. We all are." He dared to use all of his strength to drag Stephen up in his arms to gather him in a hug. Stephen had always responded well to being held in the past and Tony prayed for that tactic to work again. He carefully guided Stephen's head to rest on his shoulder before finding his way under Stephen's shirt to rub his back. He nodded at the Cloak to envelop them both. "I've got you," he whispered into Stephen's hair and swallowed down his own tears. "It's time to wake up now, baby. You're scaring the Cloak and I need my beauty sleep as you just reminded me a few hours ago." He pressed his cheek against Stephen's. "Come back to me," he whispered directly into Stephen's ear while he continued to caress every inch of skin he could reach.

He couldn't have said how long it took but finally the gentle touches and the whispered assurances paid off. Stephen's rigid posture became even more frozen for a moment before he realized where he was and melted into Tony's embrace. His arms sneaked around Tony's middle to hug him tightly and he hid his face against Tony's neck. His body, so relaxed just a short time ago, was now stiff as a board. Tony could feel the shaking of Stephen's hands where they rested against his back.

"Sorry," Stephen whispered after a couple of minutes. He sounded exhausted and so fucking _broken_ that Tony shuddered. He could feel the wetness of tears against his skin.

"Shh, just relax. Is it okay when I get us back down?"

Stephen just nodded and Tony carefully maneuvered them down on their sides. Stephen went from hiding against Tony's neck to pressing his face against his chest. He was careful to not put too much pressure on the arc-reactor scar and the pressure only hurt a little bit. Tony could easily live with it and continued his soothing strokes. He nodded his thanks to the Cloak when it dragged the blanket over them before settling on top for added warmth. They both had discovered through trial and error that Stephen liked warmth and to be cocooned in Tony's arms and multiple layers of fabric after a nightmare.

They weren't going to speak about it, Tony knew. They'd tried to, in the beginning, but that had only led to simultaneous nightmares and no rest for them both for a week. It was better to alternate and offer quiet and unconditional support when it was needed and let their respective demons rest for as long as possible.

"I love you," Tony said instead when he finally felt Stephen relaxing a little bit. _I've got you and I'm never going to let you go_ _._

 _If I can't be there for you in your dreams I'll be waiting for you in the waking world_ , Tony silently sent the words back to the man he loved more than anything or anyone else in his life. Stephen had said them to him once when it had been Tony who had awoken from a nightmare in a cold sweat and so disoriented that he called out for Jarvis to help him and they had stayed with him ever since.

Stephen sighed and moved a little bit to the side to kiss Tony's chest right over his heart. "Love you, too." He settled down again and Tony continued his mindless stroking. No needless apologies, no matter how hard it might be; they'd both agreed on that lifetime ago.

After a while Stephen turned around to lie on his side and wordlessly begged for Tony to be the big spoon. Despite everything Tony had to smile. Stephen loved to be cuddled in that position but was always too shy to verbally ask for it. Tony had given up on trying to get him to say the words and just took every opportunity he could get. He _loved_ the feeling of having Stephen in his arms and the immense amount of trust Stephen put in him.

After a little bit turning and shifting around the found a position that worked for them both and Stephen had settled in Tony's arms but he was still too tense. Sleep would probably be not come again but they still had a few hours until they had to get up.

"I don't want to," Stephen murmured after a few minutes. "To die," he added after Tony's questioning sound. "I haven't for a long time now. It was just a dream."

Tony wasn't sure whom he wanted to convince and didn't know how to respond.

"Just a dream," he finally agreed, not quite believing it. He kissed the back of Stephen's neck before he moved his hand from Stephen's stomach to his chest. The regular heartbeat under his fingertips reassured him but he didn't like the tension. "Relax, baby," he pleaded and smiled when the tightness left Stephen's body as he slipped into a light trance. _And no more dreams._

"Cancel everything for today and turn the alarm off, FRI," he whispered and tried to relax his own body in the hope that he could doze a little bit before sunrise.

The reply was equally soft: "Already done, boss."

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr post with notes](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/post/182964866221/yearning) | [my bingo card](https://amethyst-noir.tumblr.com/bingo2019)  
> thank you for reading!


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